So I don't really have friends that I click with and can just talk to about things. So I talk to strangers on the internet. Today was/is a really shitty day. And I kinda need someone to talk to that will actually listen and for some reason I always end up surround myself with people that all they want to do is talk about themselves and never listen to me when I need to talk for once. Cause I really don't talk that much. I'm VERY much an introvert. And afraid of conflict. And People. And initiating..anything. And a trillion other things. But we'll get to that later I suppose. Well anyway you just strike me as someone who actually listens to people. Maybe I'm wrong but whatever I'll talk to you anyways. Do you ever talk to someone who you really really care about and then you say something and they take it completely wrong and then the whole situation doesn't get resolved at all? Well for some stupid reason I take things like that way to seriously. And I hate it when people are mad at me and I always think they are if things don't feel resolved. And then I end up feeling shitty and worthless (terrible default emotion I have). And then when they don't talk to you and end up falling asleep mid conversation (which is what happened tonight btw) and then you just can't sleep. And then in the morning you'll just be tired and still feel shitty. Well that's where I'm at right now. Just needed to say that to someone. Anyone. Ok done ranting.
Have you gotten to that point where you like who you are..or are at least satisfied with it..but you hate the life you are living? Well that's where I am right now. Fucking hate my life. I'm FINALLY at the point where I can accept that I am exactly who I want to be and I don't need to change anything for anybody. Now all I gotta do is get out of this STUPID life I'm leading. Oki. That's all. FML.
Much love.
Today was a sucky day. I'm gonna have to drop out of college cause I'm losing six grand in scholarships. Which I'm alright with that cause I freaking hate school..It's just the getting bitched at by parents about not thinking about consequences and bull shit like that..I've been thinking about the consequences since over a month a go so they can just fuck off. Getting a job is failing hard core though which is the suckiest part. And I'm trying super lots at getting one and people just hate me or something. The one redeeming quality to today is that I've started the process of gauging my ears! They are at a 12 or a 10 right now (I borrowed my roommates gauges and we're not sure if they are one or the other lol) ..gonna move them up to an 8 when they heal up. Alright..that's pretty much it..my not exciting, terrible day... Much love.
I'm at home now. Not exactly pleased about it either. But since I have to be here, I might as well try to enjoy it right? Well it's my birthday in two days. Kinda crazy. I'm gonna be twenty. I have accomplished nothing with my life. Not even a fucking job to my name. I'm leaving school. Can't even say that I have that going for me. I was happy for once..and then I had to come here. Home is one of the most stressful places I am forced to reside in. My parents and I don't exactly see eye to eye, and yet I am still forced to talk to them and return home. Well, I highly doubt that will continue if they find out what plans I have in store for my future. But whatever, that's a different story. Just thought I'd check in and say what's up at the moment. Gotta keep up this blog thing. Been slacking on it. Sorry.
