EvilPopTarts.
So I don't really have friends that I click with and can just talk to about things. So I talk to strangers on the internet. Today was/is a really shitty day. And I kinda need someone to talk to that will actually listen and for some reason I always end up surround myself with people that all they want to do is talk about themselves and never listen to me when I need to talk for once. Cause I really don't talk that much. I'm VERY much an introvert. And afraid of conflict. And People. And initiating..anything. And a trillion other things. But we'll get to that later I suppose. Well anyway you just strike me as someone who actually listens to people. Maybe I'm wrong but whatever I'll talk to you anyways. Do you ever talk to someone who you really really care about and then you say something and they take it completely wrong and then the whole situation doesn't get resolved at all? Well for some stupid reason I take things like that way to seriously. And I hate it when people are mad at me and I always think they are if things don't feel resolved. And then I end up feeling shitty and worthless (terrible default emotion I have). And then when they don't talk to you and end up falling asleep mid conversation (which is what happened tonight btw) and then you just can't sleep. And then in the morning you'll just be tired and still feel shitty. Well that's where I'm at right now. Just needed to say that to someone. Anyone. Ok done ranting.
Life.
Have you gotten to that point where you like who you are..or are at least satisfied with it..but you hate the life you are living? Well that's where I am right now. Fucking hate my life. I'm FINALLY at the point where I can accept that I am exactly who I want to be and I don't need to change anything for anybody. Now all I gotta do is get out of this STUPID life I'm leading. Oki. That's all. FML.
Much love.
Sucky Day.
Today was a sucky day. I'm gonna have to drop out of college cause I'm losing six grand in scholarships. Which I'm alright with that cause I freaking hate school..It's just the getting bitched at by parents about not thinking about consequences and bull shit like that..I've been thinking about the consequences since over a month a go so they can just fuck off. Getting a job is failing hard core though which is the suckiest part. And I'm trying super lots at getting one and people just hate me or something. The one redeeming quality to today is that I've started the process of gauging my ears! They are at a 12 or a 10 right now (I borrowed my roommates gauges and we're not sure if they are one or the other lol) ..gonna move them up to an 8 when they heal up. Alright..that's pretty much it..my not exciting, terrible day... Much love.
Home.
I'm at home now. Not exactly pleased about it either. But since I have to be here, I might as well try to enjoy it right? Well it's my birthday in two days. Kinda crazy. I'm gonna be twenty. I have accomplished nothing with my life. Not even a fucking job to my name. I'm leaving school. Can't even say that I have that going for me. I was happy for once..and then I had to come here. Home is one of the most stressful places I am forced to reside in. My parents and I don't exactly see eye to eye, and yet I am still forced to talk to them and return home. Well, I highly doubt that will continue if they find out what plans I have in store for my future. But whatever, that's a different story. Just thought I'd check in and say what's up at the moment. Gotta keep up this blog thing. Been slacking on it. Sorry.
Meh
Life feels like a downward spiral at the moment. My mother just added unnecessary stress onto my already stressful life. She called the RLC (which is like the person in my apartment building that is in charge of making sure everyone is all ok and shit). I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. FUCK OFF. The reason I'm not calling home is not because something is wrong, it's because I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU MOTHER. End of story. I don't like talking to you because you don't want to let me make my own decisions. You want me to choose what you want. I don't respect you because you don't choose to think for yourself. You choose to think what people and books tell you is correct. Choose to not be ignorant. THINK FOR YOURSELF. Maybe then I'll respect you. Religion is not all important. Learn about other things.
Been awhile.
Sorry, its taken me this long to post again. Scott basically stole my computer. But whatever. I'm glad to be back on. Umm..not much has been happening really.. Scott, Owen and I went to Uwajimaya today and got foods and made super good stir-fry. Scott got Heavy Rain. Such a good game. Even IIIIIIIII can play it lol (even though he stole my save file and played the last half of it..). Life is kinda shitty right now. Rae is "gonna study hard tonight" while she's been out all day doing whatever and going on a date. She just got back. And she's all happy and shit. I don't think she's gonna do shit tonight. AND she made Owen and Scott leave so she could study "cause it's finals week." Now I'm probably not gonna see him till after my birthday. Which is two weeks from now. Like really? How can you be that bitchy? Have I ever been that inconsiderate to anyone, let alone my roommate? FUCK NO. Do I take responsibility for my portion of the keeping things clean around OUR apartment. But fuck no. She's lazy as fuck and doesn't do shit. If she had a job and got food and whatnot then that would be a completely different story. But no. She is just as jobless as I am, but I do ALL the work. It's so fucking frustrating. She's still not doing shit. FUCK YOU. I'm getting the hell out of here as fast as I can.
sleepy.
hmmm...
Nothing new to report today. Just kinda hanging out. I was up till six freaking AM. I wasn't tired so Scott and I skyped till I got sleepy. So then when I did finally get sleepy at six, I slept till freaking two pm..through my alarms and class...which kinda sucks cause I'm already in a shit ton of trouble in that class for not going and not meeting with my prof and what not. Scott is picking me up tomorrow so we can go hang out at his uncles place for a bbq, which is gonna be sweet. I just can't wait to get out of here..if only for a weekend. I'm so tired of this place. Not Seattle, just this stupid christian campus and it's stupid rules and all of the stupid people. Right now I'm being forced to watch Planet Terror with my roommate and her ex who lives downstairs. A) I don't really enjoy shitty zombie movies..zombie movies in general actually.. B) I'm stuck in a room with someone I don't exactly enjoy being around. C) All I want to do right now is dye my hair and I need my roommate to do that cause the spot I'm dying is in a really hard spot to make stripey like I want it.. I really just want to be not here right now. I want to have friends I can hang out with. I just want to have friends... Ones who actually give a shit about me and listen to what i have to say. I was talking to Luci today, and she listened to me more than anyone else has lately. She doesn't even know me. I've met her what..twice? How pathetic is that? Hmmm well..I guess I'm done ranting. I don't feel like doing anything. I feel like nothing. I just want things to start working right..
1.25
Happy 1.25 love! Love you lots.
Elfen Lied
Just finished up watching Elfen Lied. Suuuuuuuuuuch a good anime! I came home from class and really wanted to play a new game, but that isn't an option at the moment since Scott took his ps3 when he left yesterday...jerk. lol But yea, I decided to watch a new anime instead. ---> That's Lucy/Nyuu. Such a good character. I won't give anything away..since everyone should now go watch it if they haven't seen it already! lol so yea that's about it for today.
on break.
Just got on break for class. I'm sitting in Art History learning about Impressionism. Oh dear god. kill me now. Impressionism and Post-Impressionism is sooo awful. It's boring and not pretty..it's just really loose brush strokes and no details. The color is good though. They did a great job on that. They being the all encompassing genre of impressionist painters lol. So next class I'm supposed to be going to the SAM. I really don't think I'm gonna go. I haven't skipped this class ever..and I've already been to the SAM five times..which is a bit over kill I know. But I love that place. I just don't feel like being there on a tour with my really annoying prof leading me around. Hell fucking no. lolOkidoki. I guess that's all. Class is gonna start back up soon.
safeway with the boys!
The boys (Scott and Jake) and I went on an epic Safeway run! We got four different kinds of soda. Original Dr. Pepper, Mug, Mtn. Dew: Code Red, and Canada Dry (ick..). It was mucho lots of fun. I have lots of fun with mah bois!
sun!
It was sunny today. It was so nice. I slept through class though..oops. I did however meet with the teacher..sooo scary! But yea..I did it. And hopefully I'll keep doing it. Scott and I went on a super long walk today. We went to Gasworks. Such a wonderful place. We spent a whole hour just sitting there on his skateboard watching a guy fly a yellow kite. It was amazing. I love spring time. Even though it isn't spring time yet...but whatevs! I need a job. or rather..I need money. On with the job searching I suppose. However futile it is turning out to be. I will not go home. I wiiill live here with scott and a cat in our place. I will. But yea that's pretty much all that happened today. Teacher meeting, walking, watching kite guy, and then..hanging out here. Such is the most exciting my life gets.
day two.
Well. Here we are at day two of a theoretical change. Nothing has really changed. I've been avoiding doing an essay all day that is due tomorrow. That I don't really know what to write about. And it's not like I've done anything today anyways! I slept in till two (although Scott was up till freaking 8am playing assassin's creed 2..so I was up pretty late as well.. but still). I'm doing nothing with my life..and I hate it but feel stuck doing it. It's this stupid not having a job shit. I just want to have a job that I don't despise more than school and then I want to stop going to fucking school cause it's so goddamn frustrating and I just want to live my fucking life and not have to deal with my mother meddling in my life. And to have a kitty. I want a little kitty. Is that too much to ask? A job, no school, no controlling mother, and a cat? Really? How can that be too much..ok maybe the mother thing might be a little much right now but..come on..why can't the rest work..I'm almost freaking twenty..a job shouldn't be that difficult..alright I suppose that's enough for now..more tomorrow. Blogging is a good waste of my time. It'll probably keep me a little more sane..even though no one probably reads it..meh whatev.
Much Love.
One of those days.
Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you don't really have any personality at all? That's how I've been feeling for like the last few weeks..and I'm throwing my life away and I don't know what to do about it. Or at least that's my excuse? I dunno. I hate going to college. All I want to do is just work and live here in Seattle with Scott. That's it. I don't even care about graduating college anymore..like really. I don't give a shit. I don't fit in here anymore. And none of the art degrees really fit what I want to do. I want to become a tattoo artist. I don't even know where to begin on that! But it's what I have discovered I want to do. I haven't blogged in so long. I feel like turning over a new leaf. Starting new habbits. Perhaps blogging will be one of them. I just feel the need to redefine myself..again. Gotta do what I gotta do I suppose.
Much love.
Generic Love Poem.
Generic Love Poem
Kirsty MacDonald
Call a doctor/ plumber/ priest*
My heart is broken/ leaking/ deceased*
My life is worthless/ so much better/ over*
I'm going to kill myself/ tell your wife/ Dover*
How could you leave me/ not know/ lie?*
I hope you return my stuff/ come back/ die*
I'll never forget you/ forgive you/ go away*
I need closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay*
Your face/ crotch/ top of your back*
Is so beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack*
Your ex/ mother/ best friend from school*
Always made me great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool*
I will miss you/ kill you/ stalk you forever*
That way we can be friends/ get away with it/ be together*
I'm sorry you did this/ I did this /we failed*
I promise to pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call*
(*delete as appropriate, just delete it all.....)
Generic Love Poem